Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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