she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
