1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
