Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
