I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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