my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
