she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
