WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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