i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
