some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
