My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Fuck appropriateness.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
