she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
