I hope mine doesn't look like that
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
