why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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