sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Randomize
