Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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