Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
