i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
