I love black thongs
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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