this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
