dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
