so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
