I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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