Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So apparently I’m into choking now
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
