I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
