New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
