Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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