Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
