The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
