I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
