If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
