If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
