I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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