maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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