I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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