I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
