I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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