He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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