I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
