2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
