she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
