i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
