everyone is single if you try hard enough
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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