I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
