it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
