GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
