Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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