I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
