You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
