Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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